Our comprehensive guide to who pays for what in each scenario

The boundaries of who pays for what when it comes to weddings are definitely blurred nowadays. First, we need to jettison the disclaimer that there is no official rule governing financial responsibility. Traditionally, we probably all know that the bride’s family picks up most of the bill. But that doesn’t stop modern couples from spending their own savings to get the wedding they want.

“Creating a wedding budget is one of the most important and difficult things. But putting time at the forefront of planning can be one of the biggest tools on the way,” says Alicia Fritz, owner of A Day in May Events. “Budget discussions should start at the same time as the guest list and the venue discussion. Most couples don’t draw a correlation between their budget and their guest list. But if you understand your” cost per guest “early on, you can make better budget decisions. Especially with providers whose fees are independent of the guest list,” she says.

Alicia Fritz is the owner of A Day in May Events. A wedding and event planning company based in Traverse City, Michigan.

Whether it is a second marriage or they want to become independent of their parents, many modern couples choose to bear all wedding costs alone. In some situations, it is also possible that their parents are simply not in a place where they can help out. “More couples than in previous years are hosting their weddings or part of the day. For our customers, I do not see that it is based on the control of the day, but rather on selection or success, that they have to invest more in areas or aspects of their day that mean more to them than to their parents, “says Fritz.

Instead of literally following tradition, a tripartite split between the couple and family members is another timely payment option that should be considered. It’s a rare situation, but if it works for everyone, it’s an easy way to do it. Most importantly, finding a balance that works for all parties. Since the landmark 2015 US Supreme Court ruling that recognizes same-sex marriages, more LGBTQ couples than ever have reported increased parental involvement. Nevertheless, there is still a majority of LGBTQ couples in the United States who are paying for their own weddings out of pocket.

Whether you or your parents want to stick to the tradition or just know the traditional cost distribution, you should know that there are some very strict limits. In advance, we will outline exactly who should tackle which finances in accordance with age-old customs.

The Bride’s Family

Although this is rarely the case nowadays, it is interesting to take into account all the costs that are expected from the bride’s family in the past. Think of everything from invitations and stationery except the rehearsal dinner invites you to accommodate bridesmaids. Also included are obvious things like the wedding dress, accessories as well as hair and makeup. Nowadays, a sweet grandmother might offer to buy your dress, or maybe you pay for it yourself. The bride’s family also pays for big things like wedding planners, bachelorette parties and ceremonies receptions that cost music, guest favorites, rentals, etc.

“While some couples prefer to honor the tradition for which the family pays for certain things, we open up the discussion to our couples without the pressure to” follow suit “and what it means to follow tradition for the sake of tradition compared to what the family finds comfortable,” says Fritz. “Hosting weddings today is very different from when traditions like payments were established.”

Make sure you include an estimate of your spending in an Excel / Google document. Your respective parents can then look up the spreadsheet and provide some high-level feedback, as well as volunteer for the position they want to be involved in. This is also valuable if one or both parents are divorced, or other scenarios in which multiple parties may be involved.

The bride’s family is responsible for:

engagement party

Wedding dress incl. veil and accessories

Wedding planner / coordinator

Invitations / Stationery / Data Storage / Wedding Programs

Photography / Video graphy

Transport / accommodation for bridesmaids

Before the wedding

Ceremony / Reception

Flowers / Decor

Wedding cake

Pops early

The family of the groom

The groom’s parents are expected to pay the marriage license and officer’s fees, the rehearsal dinner including the venue, food, drink, decoration, entertainment – and yes – even the invitations and accommodation / transportation of the groom’s family. Traditionally, the groom and / or his family would plan and pay for the honeymoon, but nowadays planning and budgeting is generally more cooperative – and even crowdfunding. Some couples set up a place at their reception where guests can deposit some money into their “honeymoon fund,” while others add honeymoon costs – from air travel to honeymoon activities and experiences, to an online honeymoon register.

A cost-saving trend: More and more couples are asking a friend or family member to get ordained and marry them, which could save some money if it works for both of you.

The groom’s family is responsible for:

Honeymoon

Marriage certificate / civil servant money

Sample food

Bouquet, Boutonnieres and corsets

Transport / accommodation for groomers

DJ / band and spirits / alcohol for wedding reception

The Bride

Traditionally, the bride is solely responsible for the groom’s wedding band and the wedding gifts for her bridesmaids. However, there are many wedding costs, from coordination to flowers and decoration, which are often shared between the bride and her family. With the monetary contribution comes control over the planning of the wedding. Determine who has the final say in addressing expectations from the outset. “It is not to be assumed that because parents donate money, this financial contribution does not come with a requirement,” says Fritz. “It would be a shame to have hurtful feelings or mixed messages if there was an expectation of” control, “but it was never given,” she adds.

Advice to brides: “set a budget, then a budget. Don’t set a low budget to try to skimp on things you know you’ll spend more on later,” says Fritz. “Be realistic. Be sure to consider the direct correlation between the number of guests and the total cost – the more people, the more the wedding will cost. This isn’t the case for every aspect, but if you’re working on a budget, you should keep that in mind. Get creative, with less you can achieve more! “

The bride is responsible for:

wedding band of the groom

Wedding gifts for bridesmaids, groom and parents

Hair and makeup

The Groom

One example suggests that the groom buys the bride’s engagement ring and wedding band. Traditionally, the groom is also responsible for the cost of his clothes – whether he buys or rents. But it is not uncommon for the groom’s family to move in. Finally, the groom is expected to cover the cost of all gifts to his groom and bride.

The groom is responsible for:

Engagement ring and wedding ring for the bride

Clothes of the groom

Wedding gifts for groomsmen and bride

Honeymoon, unless the groom’s family has covered it